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For each working person, the scarcest resource is your daily time.
對于每個職場人來說,最稀缺的資源就是你每天的時間了。

You may feel like that you do not have enough hours in the day, only endless things to do, and you can always find more things waiting for you to do.
時間總是不夠用,事情總是做不完,而且你總能發現還有更多的事情會來找上你。

Of course, some of these things are not part of your job, such as other colleagues asking for your help or bosses making new demands.
當然,其中有些事情并不是你分內的,比如別的同事找你幫忙、上司提出了新需求。

How can we reasonably refuse them?
如何才能合理地拒絕他們呢?

In fact, there has been a mature for this matter since long ago.
其實這件事早就有了成熟的方法論。

Just by doing the following three steps, you can usually make yourself and the other person comfortable while refusing them.
只需做到這3步,通常你就能在拒絕的同時讓雙方都感到心安理得。

Step 1: Listening.
第一步:傾聽

It’s not simply hearing what the other person is saying. You have to literally stop what you’re doing, and carefully listen through what they say.
不是讓你單純聽見對方講什么,而是真的停下你手上的事,然后認真聽對方把事情說完。

Even if your time is limited, it is best for you to do so.
即使你時間緊迫,也最好這么做。

The point is to let the other person see that you are willing to help, and let them understand that you already know their needs.
重點是讓對方看得出你愿意幫忙,并且讓對方明白你已經知道了他們的需求。

In this way, even if you eventually refuse them, they will understand that you are not available, instead of not willing to help.
這樣一來,即使你最終拒絕了對方,他們也會知道你是真的沒時間,而不是單純地不想幫忙。

In addition, this willing-to-help attitude is also a manifestation of leadership; if colleagues ask you for help, it shows that they think you are a reliable person.
另外,這種“愿意幫忙”的態度也是一種領導力的體現;如果有同事愿意開口請你幫忙,那說明他們認為你是個靠得住的人。

In this case, choosing to listen can strengthen their goodwill and trust in you.
在這種情況下,選擇傾聽能加強他們對你的好感與信賴。

Step 2: Start with Conclusion when Refusing
第二步:拒絕的時候先說結論

There is a saying goes like “People tend to judge others by results, and themselves by motives.”
有句話叫:“人們總是用結果來評判別人,而用動機來評判自己。”

This principle can also be applied to daily conversations.
這個道理在平常的對話中也是成立的。

We all hope that other people will come to a conclusion quickly, but when we speak, we instinctively start from the beginning of the story.
我們都希望別人快點說結論,但自己講話的時候卻總是本能地從頭說起。

This way of speaking is not good for communication, because the other person usually does not have so much patience to hear you finish your speaking, and by the time you come to the conclusion, their attention has long gone.
這樣的說話方式是非常不利于溝通的,因為對方通常沒有那么多耐心聽你講完,當你說到結論的時候,他們的注意力早就消散了。

If you want to refuse somebody, just tell them NO, and then explain the reasons why.
如果你要拒絕對方,就先直接告訴對方不行,然后再講為什么不行。

Step 3: Provide an Alternative Solution
第三步:提供備用方案

Maybe you really don’t have the time to listen to the other person's request. For example, you have to get off work on time that day and the work at hand is urgent.
或許你當時真的沒有時間聽對方的要求,比如,你當天必須準時下班而手頭的工作又很急。

In situations like this, don’t just tell the other person that you don’t have the time. Instead, you should give them a time when you would be available. For example, you may say “Sorry, I really don’t have the time right now. I have to get off work on time. Is it OK if we talk tomorrow morning?"
這個時候不要劈頭蓋臉地告訴對方你沒時間,而是向對方提供一個可行的時間,例如:“抱歉,我現在真的沒時間,等下必須準時下班,明早OK嗎?”

In addition, if you have finished listening to the other person’s needs and finally choose to refuse him, you can also recommend him a person whom you feel can help him.
另外,如果你已經聽完了對方的需求,而最終選擇拒絕他,也可以向他推薦一個你覺得可以幫到他的人。

In this way, although you refused him, he still can feel your support.
這樣一來,雖然你拒絕了對方,但依舊讓他們感受到了你的支持。

In a word, refusal is inevitable, but the way of refusal is optional.
總而言之,拒絕是不可避免的,而拒絕的方式是可以選擇的。

An inappropriate refusal may cause great harm to your working life.
一次唐突的拒絕可能會給你的職場生活帶來很大的傷害。

An artistic refusal, on the other hand, may lead you to some unexpected benefits.
而一次藝術性的拒絕則能幫你獲得很多意想不到的好處。

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